Gimme that ol' time religion -- and arrogance

ALAN T SARACEVIC / SF Chronicle 28jul02

The Good Book says Jesus hung with thieves. I guess some of our corporate fathers took that one literally.

It's kind of ironic that many of the business folk accused of wrongdoing in recent months and years -- especially those allegedly involved in pinching millions or billions -- all share a strong spiritual background. Which makes perfect sense. I'd drop down to my knees and thank Sweet Jesus if my bank account had that many zeros.

Consider what a strong grounding in religion did for these titans of commerce:

• John Rigas, the 78-year-old CEO of Adelphia Communications Corp., is a devout Christian who has censored programming he deemed unseemly on his cable networks. For instance, in 1998 Rigas bought Century Cable in West L.A. Three years later, he censored and then banned a racy advice show conducted by Dr. Susan Block, a Yale-educated Ph.D. and sexologist. Rigas, along with his two sons, stands accused of stealing hundreds of millions of dollars, if not billions, from the nation's sixth-largest cable company, costing investors more than $60 billion.  [update on Rigas: Adelphia Founder Is Sentenced to 15 Years - AP 20jun2005]
• Bernie Ebbers, former CEO of WorldCom, is also a man of God, having attended Mississippi College, a Southern Baptist institution and writing in a 1996 alumni magazine article: "I came to have a fuller understanding of what my purpose was in life, what a personal relationship with Jesus Christ really meant and how I would try to live my life from that point." Ebbers, of course, is expected to be indicted this week in relation to his company reporting nearly $4 billion of inflated earnings, leading to the largest bankruptcy in our nation's history. He's also under fire for receiving hundreds of millions in personal loans from the company.
• Ken Lay, former Enron chairman and son of a Missouri minister, is famously rumoured to have attended church the day before he took the Fifth on Capitol Hill. He is being investigated for criminal wrongdoing related to Enron's spectacular collapse.
• Andrew Fastow, Lay's CFO at Enron, is actively involved in a conservative Houston synagogue. He teaches Hebrew school. His family has set up a charitable foundation and he's helped raised millions for Houston's Holocaust Museum. He also stands accused of setting up scores of offshore subsidiaries that masked Enron's massive debt load, leading to the bankruptcy of the nation's seventh-largest firm. Of course, there's a long history of hypocrisy in the business community. Remember these guys?
• Charles Keating founded clean-living censorship groups such as Citizens for Decent Literature and Citizens for Decency Through Law. He made billions through his Lincoln S&L, before it all blew up in his face.
• The Hunt brothers, the born-again billionaires from Texas, were convicted of conspiring to corner the silver market.

So? Other than a big, fat "neener-neener" for religious right haters, what does it all mean?

Well, it means that respectable religious folk are tainted through association. And it means that the religious right community, which preaches personal responsibility in support of welfare cuts, should force these corporate criminals to quit hiding behind their accountants and take the heat.

Most all of the aforementioned business folk claim they're innocent. You almost hope they are. Otherwise, these people conned their shareholders and they conned their communities.

Portraying yourself as a God-fearing believer while stealing money from average folks so you can buy a fifth house in Aspen is unforgivable, regardless of what the Good Book says.

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Funny blurb moving around the Internet in recent weeks:

If you had bought $1,000 worth of Enron one year ago, you would have about $2. With WorldCom, you would have less than $13 left.

If you had bought $1,000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit (in a state like Michigan, of course), you would have over $100.

Based on the above, our current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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Martha Stewart Living will launch a section within her TV show called "Martha's Favorite Books." The segment, which starts in mid-September, will feature one author per week and will include books focusing on fiction, nonfiction and poetry.

I'm personally looking forward to Martha's insider tips on cooking those books.

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Austin Powers fans can take their Anglophilia to a new level next month, when Paul McCartney's 1965 Mini Cooper S will be auctioned off in Carmel Valley.

According to Bonhams, the auction company behind the event, McCartney used the vehicle as his daily driver during the Beatles' formative years in London from 1965 to 1970 and was often pictured in this car on his own and with his late wife, Linda.

"According to the book 'Many Years From Now,' " the press release gushes, "the first night Paul and Linda met, they went back to Paul's house in this particular Mini."

"We are eager to see how collectors respond to a vehicle with such a storied celebrity heritage, especially with all the buzz surrounding the reintroduction of the new Mini Cooper and McCartney's current U.S. tour," says Mark Osborne, vice president of Bonhams.

Admission to the Bonhams auction, to be held Aug. 17 at Quail Lodge, is $70, which admits two guests. Details at www.bonhams.com.

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We loved the pointed story on Delta Airlines from the Associated Press that moved Friday. In case you missed it:

"Clearwater, Fla. -- A woman who says she was pulled off an airplane and asked to take a sex toy out of her luggage after it started vibrating is suing Delta Air Lines, saying she was publicly humiliated.

"Renee Koutsouradis, 36, said she was with her husband awaiting takeoff from Dallas in February when her name was called over the loudspeaker.

"She said she was met by a Delta security agent who told her something was vibrating in one of her bags. She said she explained it was an adult toy that she and her husband had just bought on a trip to Las Vegas.

"She said the agent took her to the bag on the tarmac and made her remove the toy and hold it up, according to the lawsuit filed Wednesday. Some passengers on the plane saw everything, and three male Delta employees 'began laughing hysterically' and made 'obnoxious and sexually harassing comments.' "

Well, good luck with the suit Renee. It should generate some buzz. . . .